Today was a busy and full day of property viewings in London. Fortunately I’m a confident driver and so I enjoy driving around London – I know it will take twice as long as what the Sat Nav says because of all the traffic!
I was due to see a flat in Elephant and Castle and having seen where it was I realised I would have to pay the congestion charge….however I had a dastardly plan hatching! The property was just a few minutes walk from a street where I reckoned I could park and just walk there. And so off I set on my search for a parking space….driving around the streets I soon realised they were all permit parking….hmmmm.
My Sat Nav was chirping away in the background and at that moment I decided to take notice of it – it told me to turn right at the traffic lights – and so I did…
Into THREE LANES OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC!!!!!!!
I was stranded in the middle of the road turning right, realising my mistake – but at the same time realising I had 2 lanes of traffic coming from the left into me….I did not want to be sandwiched!!!!!!
So I stamped on the accelerator as I spyed an opportunity to turn right and weave my way onto the right side of the road once I had got across….
Fine in theory…
Not so fine if you have a police car behind you….
So I make it to the other side manage to get on the right side of the road and I hear the siren and see the blue flashing lights in my rear view mirror…
Shit I am going to be late for this property viewing now!
I pull over immediately….but the police don’t get out – they keep signalling for me to move on
I then realise I have now broken yet another rule and have stopped on double red lines which mean NO STOPPING
Shit – what do I look like now?!
I drive a bit further, stop and get out of the car
“I am so, so sorry I was following the Sat Nav and it told me to turn right but I don’t think I was able to turn right and by the time I had realised I had so much traffic coming for me I thought the best thing was just to go”
It is a police man and a police woman – they look at me startled
“Where are you from?” They ask in unison
“Hertfordshire” I reply and I continue in my apologies “I’m ever so sorry, I just didn’t know what to do when I had realised the mistake and…”
“You do know you were almost wiped out from the car behind you? He had to do a full emergency stop as he thought you going straight on, not right”
“No” I reply quietly
“We thought you were about to be wiped out” They look at me in amazement
“I am sorry” I reply again, “It was a stupid mistake”
I expect for them to breathalize me, see my documents, tell me I am being done for dangerous driving or something – and I deserve all of it. I made a stupid driving error.
They look at me sympathetically – “Where are you actually trying to go”
I give them the postcode and the address. They type it into their sat nav system and proceed to start giving me directions…they realise from my blank face I am not following…
“Look why don’t you hop in the car and we’ll give you a lift it’s not far – Janet (the police woman) can take your car and then you’ll be safely where you’re trying to get to” The male police man motions for me to get into the patrol car
I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I was MORTIFIED
a. How would this look – turning up at a property viewing in a police car – oh the shame and embarrassment!
b. What a terrible waste of police time – I am an idiot and they should be helping somebody else
I am hesitating….
Janet’s radio suddenly crackles
She turns to me “Sorry, we would love to take you, but we’ve got an emergency call. Drive safely”
With that, they jump into their patrol car and speed off into the traffic of London through sets of red lights with their sirens blaring and their lights flashing
God I am such a villager I say to myself as I shake my head and drive to the property…I will just pay that congestion charge!