The Landlord’s Prayer

9 Jan

Today I pray, that I may wake,
To no phone calls of fury, or texts in the night,
That sweet, sweet, sleep has not fooled me right,
That all is well in the land of tenants.

Today I pray, that I may breathe,
And keep my patience, beyond the ease,
Of a plumber charging me a million quid,
To fix a leaking pipe or bang a busted boiler.

Today I pray, that I may see,
A property inspection where the tenant has cleaned,
And doesn’t moan about mould in the windows,
That they never open.

Today I pray, that I may go on,
About my daily business and not have to argue about the rent,
The reasons it’s late, unpaid, hijacked by aliens,
And otherwise spent.

Today I pray, that I may not argue,
About who’s responsibility it is to change the light bulb,
Bleed the radiators, flush the toilet,
And live in a house (in a tenant-like manner).

Today I pray, that I may have patience,
To see me through the governmental abuses,
The penal tax reforms, selective licensing, extra charges, forms and all,
For being a sodding landlord.

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