So here it is – here is my published book:
It arrived today via a UPS courier.
This now means I am a published author OMG!!!!
So what does it feel like to hold my book? My very own first book that I have written?
It feels really, really strange.
It’s like: WTF – did I do that? Did I write all that? Really, really did I do that? That came out of me???
And not having kids, I can only wonder if mothers feel the same when they give birth to their first child. It’s a sense of wonder and amazement – like: did I really do that? Did I really produce you???
And I just feel quite dumbstruck. Quite awestruck. Quite almost-lost-for-words-struck. Really quite, well…
So having lost the capacity for speech I have just sat and stroked my book. I have traced lines and shapes around the cover and swirled my finger over my name. I opened the book very carefully, easing open the cover, so as not to crease the spine.
Then I said ‘To hell with it – it’s my book’. And I sprang open the pages and stared. Then I stroked the text. Then I sniffed the pages. And I got my face in real deep. I buried my face in the words. And I found myself mesmerised by them. ALL of them. All of these are all my words. And there are so MANY of them!!!
And I really cannot get over how something so small and so seemingly ordinary can have such significance and import on my life. I cannot believe how these little pieces of printed paper bound in some shiny hardened card can have such a profound impact on my life.
It’s just so frickin bizarre.
It feels really amazing and I know this sounds OTT – but it feels monumental. And I don’t use that word lightly, but I mean it. Publishing this book means more to me than anything else I have ever done in my life. And now, I feel properly proud. Like a properly proud person who has achieved something and done something.
And it may only be a book – but it’s my book, it’s my words and it’s my baby.
And now the time has come to send my baby off into the world. I have brought him up as best I can and now it’s time for him to go off and make his own way. Like any normal parent I am anxious and worried, but also full of joy and hope for the future.
So today is monumental; because today is like giving birth, the first day at school and graduation all rolled into one. And that’s a lot of time that just got packed into one moment.
And so I will cherish this moment and wipe the tear from my eye as I watch my baby go off on his very own adventure. A part of me, but also apart from me.