Why I Would Rather Poke My Eye Out With A Sharp Stick Than Buy A Property With An Estate Agent

29 May

It’s no wonder people dislike estate agents so much.

Scrub that, I’m being polite.  It’s COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE why people hate estate agents so much.  In fact, I think I need to add the adjective vehemently to that.

So the opening sentence should in fact read: I vehemently hate estate agents.


Seriously. I have F**KING had it up to here.  If I actually had any proper understanding of what was happening with this current farce of me “buying a property” I would actually know what to do.

But I have not got a clue what is happening.

Up until Friday I thought I was merrily buying a property.  I even thought the sale was about to go through and exchange.

Until that is, someone in the estate agents looked up the word “imminently”.

Because while I was trying to buy the property that was the only word the estate agents used: if a sale was to happen – it had to happen imminently.

That was until I tried to BUY the house imminently.

And in that moment, the estate agents realised they did not know the meaning of the word “imminently”.  I think maybe they got it confused with “up-and-coming”.

Because actually I could not buy the house imminently.

Because nobody was actually ready for me to buy the house imminently.

And due to the public notice which needs to be published (it’s a repossession sale) there is no imminently at all.  In fact, imminently in estate agent speak is rather like waiting for a bus in any other language.

Because for one reason or another the notice could not be published before waiting a week.  And then another week had to be waited until the property could be bought.

And so I figured I would wait.


Until Friday when my solicitor called me and told me he had just received a fax from the vendor’s solicitor requesting he return the sale contract given we are no longer buying the property.

Which confused us both.  We thought we were buying the property!

And so I tried to call the estate agent.

Nobody was “available” to take my call.  And despite them assuring me I would get a call back, nobody did.  And maybe they thought if they ignored me for long enough I would go away and stop trying to buy the property.

But they didn’t realise I am a tenacious little shit who won’t give up so easily.  So I just contacted the vendor’s solicitor direct to find out what was happening.

The interference from up-on-high obviously did the trick.  I have now received an email from the estate agent telling me they have had a higher offer.

Nice of them to tell me before and ask if I wanted to increase my offer…given I actually have/had a sale contract in place on the property you would’ve thought it was the least they could do.  Obviously not.  Ignorance is what they think works.

The vehemently hated estate agents now claim I have to offer more.  Not just like a little bit more.  But apparently at least £11k more.  And I have to do it imminently.  And it would now appear the notice is going to be published earlier than what I was previously told.  And now, it would also appear my offer is going to appear in the notice…and yet mine is the offer which apparently is not high enough!

I responded in the only way I knew they would understand.

I ignored them.


Images from: deviantart.com Pain by Artistic Music and Wait by error

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