I WILL Sell Your House Said The Estate Agent – FNAR!!!

I know, we’ve heard it ALL before: I will sell your house (said emphatically, with a BIG smarmy grin by nice Mr Estate Agent in pressed pin stripe prim suit)

“Of course you will”  you think  “And next month I will be sailing joyously around the Caribbean on the proceeds of said sale as you will sell my house so quickly and for so much more money than what I have ever envisaged”

NOT

But the reality is – I’m stuck: I have a house I want to sell and which will not blinking sell.

Previously, I have blamed the time of year, the weather, the recession, the price, the property …and then yesterday – the estate agents!

Why?

*Imagine petulant 3 year old stroppy tantrum*

Because it’s not fair – my neighbours have sold their house, which is not as nice as mine, within 3 weeks of it being on the market.

And I have decided it is because they had a better estate agent than me.

So I haven’t fart arsed about, I’ve called the other estate agents and asked them to come and have a look at my house.

They came, they looked, they ummed, arrhed and ooed in all the right places.  Told me I had to cut £5k off the price and then they would sell it within 3-4 weeks.

*Roll of eyes*

*Tut of tongue*

*FNARR* was what my cynical brain said.

“FNAR, right, that was what the last ones said!” I said.  And I had. My rudeness took me by surprise as well – and I capped it off nicely with a right royal smarmy smirkface.

If I’d have been the estate agent I would have punched me on the nose for my insolence.

But I think his pin stripes held him back.  It was either them, or the huge A4 leather-look binder folder which was weighing his twitching fist down.

Un-punched I left the property and shook his hand.

I slept on it.

I decided enough – “By hook, or by crook, I will sell this house”

I battle walked my way to Mr-estate-agents-who-still-haven’t-sold-my-house-despite-my-neighbours-selling-within-3-weeks and terminated our agreement.

Then I sauntered to Mr-I-didn’t-punch-you-in-the-face-for-your-rudeness-when-I-claimed-I-will-sell-your-house-within-3-4-weeks-estate-agent and signed the contract and gave him the keys.

Despite it all, I am still interested to see if a High Street Estate Agency does have a magic cauldron bubbling out the back of their offices brimful of motivated buyers rather than the spotty, geeky YTS scheme youth who I think lives there making their tea and fixing the printer.

And in the meantime – I am still listed on Hatched – who I am praying will find me a motivated buyer soon – because then I get to save at least £3k in estate agent fees!

But you know – I’d rather have 1% of something than 100% of nothing 🙂